The Crow

Pitch black feathers that consume the surrounding light, glass eyes and a pale yellow beak, scale talons with scorched and callused bottoms; the crow sat with a slightly turned head and stared deeply into Caleb's eyes. He was washed up on shore and a product of a failed endeavor. The crow stared deeply within and Caleb heard a mysterious voice echo inside his head but it was completely inaudible due to being buried beneath its muffled sound. Still the words were heard and the meaning understood. Caleb climbed to his feet but the crow did not move and instead closely studied his every move. Both were at the bottom of a pebbly bank touching the cold muddy brown river water. In front was a large grassy hill that supported one edge of the steel bridge and the complete path of the weathered and cracked road of the desert highway.

Caleb reached the top of the hill and found his vehicle sitting exactly where he had left it, the crow nowhere to be found. The car was a beautiful white cutlass sierra, a Cadillac Oldsmobile manufactured in the spring of  '97. Inside upholstery was a blue felt and the dash a course plastic. The passenger window was stuck down and could not be rolled up, the lining on the ceiling seemed to have lost its hold and drooped down towards the center. Dirt and dust sat in a thick layer on the dash against the cracked tinted window-shield. When Caleb switched gears the indicator was always off by one so it always seemed set on the preceding setting. His horn only worked by completing the connection between a pivoting wire rod and the metal board in the center of the steering wheel. This car was beaten and poorly maintained yet always provided a reliable sense of transportation. Caleb had named her 'Yolanda', and once again she had brought him safely home. A brief moment was needed before he could exit the car and return to the misery that was his life. But the crow was right and so Caleb exited Yolanda and made his way through the flagstone pathway that sat on top of the well landscaped St.Augustine grass. The door was unlocked and as soon as it was open the smell of a cooking dinner entered his nostrils. Caleb did not have to guess, every night it was the same: chicken breast, white rice and ranch styled beans. It never changed because her tastes never changed.

Caleb was still soaking wet when he tracked mud on the white linoleum carpet on his way to the kitchen. He sat down at the oak wood dinner table and stared off into the light. Eleanoria was still cooking but as soon as Caleb entered her sight she flew into a rage. Caleb remained stoic as the anger directed at him came forth and invigorated the emphasis of the crow's message. Eleanoria hated that he never expressed his emotions and would purposefully abuse him verbally in order to coax a reaction out of him. Understandably she was upset about the mess tracked in and Caleb's soaking wet clothes that was dripping muddy water onto the light blue tile floor. Even when pressed for an explanation Caleb could not answer, he could not be honest with her which she knew and had hated him for. Fed up with a one way argument Eleanoria served Caleb his hastily made dinner and with a turn of a cold shoulder she retired to the bedroom. 

The chicken was slightly blackened and the meat still moist from the steam. As usual the rice was over done and sat in a pile of mush against the still steaming hot beans. Caleb always ate in rotation so that the three portions were reduced equally. The beans were always left alone but the rice was lightly dressed with Worcestershire sauce and the chicken cut into pieces and dipped into a puddle of Tapatio hot sauce. Caleb finished the meal satisfied in his hunger but unsatisfied in the monotony. He left his plate and silverware at the table and simply just got up.  The bedroom was to be avoided so he made his way to the backyard. Like most addicts Caleb had a ritual and stuck to it religiously. 

First the green leafy substance was broken up and put into a black pipe crucible that had been separated from its body and inserted into an orange Gatorade bottle cap. The bottle had a small hole burned into the bottom that Caleb plugged with his finger as he filled the container with water from the spigot. Carefully the cap was screwed on and the substance lit with a lighter while allowing the water to flow out and onto the white rocks below. A cloud of white smoke filled the plastic bottle as the water completely emptied out and just after Caleb unscrewed the cap and put his lips to the bottle breathing in deeply. As usual he tilted his head backwards and held in his breath clenching his eyes shut. The stress in his lungs grew more intense and just as he felt a light head come on he released the smoke and opened his eyes. The high was intense and caused his head to feel heavy and his eyes to turn red. This time though as Caleb opened them he found them resting upon the black crow staring back at him underneath the pale light poorly emitted from a sick moon. 

Slowly the voice grew in his head until it got so loud that Caleb retreated to the safety of his home. Hoping Eleanoria had fallen asleep Caleb went to his bedroom and found his suspicion to be true. She lay on her side of the bed with her back turned towards the door. Darkness filled the room except for a thin strip of light that escaped from the plastic blinds. The pale light gently illuminated her figure beneath the brown comforter. Caleb made his way to her side and watched over her. Her breaths were light and her chest gently moved back and forth. She was so beautiful but beneath the surface lay a monster, disrespectful, impugning, proficient in the art of passive verbal warfare, emotionally unstable and borderline crazy; yet he loved her. Despite all of her many flaws there was no doubt the intensity of his love covered every atom that comprised of her. But he felt a divide forming between them and feared he was losing her and at the same time feared the misery entailed with loving her. 

Eleanoria did not stir due to his presence but did slightly shift her body and let out a long sigh. Across the room next to the door sat the crow on top of a varnished wood dresser. Looking back and forth from Eleanoria to Caleb the crow remained deadly silent and completely still. A tension filled the room and Caleb's heart beat incredibly fast. Adrenaline rushed through his body and Caleb moved his hands towards Eleanoria's neck. She slowly began to wake as his grip became stronger around her throat. Quickly she reacted to the danger she was in and began fighting off Caleb. Any attempt to scream for help was lost beneath his increasingly strong stranglehold. Eleanoria was a nervous nail biter and could not claw her way out, neither could she overpower his incredible strength. And despite the amount of power already exhibited Caleb searched himself for even more. Her eyes grew red with blood and eventually she lost what strength she had and gave into the struggle. The whole fight did not last long. Caleb looked for the crow but it was gone and in its place only a dark shadow remained. Eleanoria lay perfectly still, her skin a pale white and a look of terror on her lifeless face. 

Caleb left the bedroom and took his seat on the brown recliner in front of his living room television. Heart still racing and the adrenaline still coursing through him Caleb lost himself in his high and he replayed the events in his head. On the screen were a series of acts with an explicit nature. The intensity of the rush he felt! How amazing it was to control the fate of a persons life, to hold in hand the decision to either give peace and life or the sweet softness of death. Caleb had decided and was pleased with his decision. This would be the second time time his hands would bring him great pleasure. The night could not end yet though because unfinished business remained. 

The next day eventually came though and in their cul-de-sac a chili cook off commenced. Just the night before Eleanoria had prepared an amazing Texas style chili. Caleb only made slight adjustments before taking his wife's chili to the prepared stand. By midday all of the stands were stocked and the street was flooded with contestants and onlookers. It was not a steady flow but many had come by and taken a bowl of Eleanorias prepared chili. All enjoyed the taste of the dish and insisted that Caleb give Eleanoria their regards. High above the street sitting on the top of a lamp post was the crow. The beak was slightly parted to reveal human teeth and the crow seemed to be smiling. Caleb laughed at the sight and the onlookers were curious as to the hysteria, perhaps it was his soaking wet clothes. The crow stared over to Caleb and began cackling but never winning the attention of the crowd. And Caleb laughed even harder because he too understood that his attempt was anything but unsuccessful.

C.R.

Caged

For the past few minutes I have sat completely silent and completely still watching my pet hamster desperately attempt to gnaw at the cold aluminum cage. His teeth are not nearly a match for the hard metal, at most he could do is chip away at the yellow paint and even in that regard he struggles. When finally he gives up he retreats to the corner as if to contemplate another idea. Finally coming to some epiphany the hamster furiously digs away at the wood chips beneath him and clear to the bottom of the translucent green plastic. I do not know for how long but he clawed at that solid floor gaining absolutely no progress. He even proceeded to climb the metal cage and begin clawing at the purple plastic top. Such a desperate attempt at freedom was quite striking to witness.

This whole thing proceeds to repeat itself for what feels like an hour, again no progress is made. The sad reality is that this is not the first occurrence. Every day for the same amount of time this small animal attempts to escape. He hits the exact same points for the same amount of time. But he will never escape, the cage is his prison and his home. Still though he  tries but the fate is always the same and he will continue his pointless attempts up until the day he dies.

Sometimes I wonder if there is a human soul within him, a person of an evil nature forced to spend his next life as a hamster. Perhaps that is why he tries to bite me every time I stick my hand in his cage. I don't blame him though, that fate would be terrible. For the rest of his life he will be confined to this terribly colored cage that will sit upon the same counter in the same room and under the ownership of me, his god-devil. I say that because without me he would not be fed, hydrated, sheltered and protected from the exposure to danger. In the same act of kindness I also show him hell through the same brand of food fed to him day after day with no change willing to initiate within. He will drink tap water for the rest of his life and only have it replenished when I see that it is getting low.

What drives this small creature to get up every day with a new strength to try again? Does he remember the utter failure of the life before him? But I cannot let you go dear friend! You would surely die at the hands of some predator, most likely a cat from next door. You were born and raised in a nursery until you came to sit upon my counter, how would know how to survive out there? But he does not think about what he would do because that is so far out of reach he has no sense of it. All he knows is to escape and as sad as it may seem he will never see the fulfillment of his mission. He will not only die here, but he will die here with disappointment. And I? I will move on, probably get another hamster and he will be forgotten. How tragic.

At times I can empathize with his pain for I too feel confined to my world. Do not get me wrong, the earth is full of amazing sites to be seen but that is not what I desire. I do not wish to see a world that has already been seen. I want to drift among the stars and galaxies, seeing the far reaches of space. Just like the hamster I do not wish to be confined to the present, I every day by means of my education desperately attempt to break free from this prison of ignorance. I must escape and only through knowledge can I break free from my cage. Only through expanding my mind and my capabilities can I refuse the monotony and ask why. Unlike the hamster I have the amazing ability to be cognitive. I learn and adapt and seek my escape not by clawing at the plastic or turning my back but by analyzing the strength of the material and the optimal way to manipulate that material's properties to my advantage.

Being human in that regard is a perk, but still I see the members of my own species resign to accept their existence. They have willingly allowed themselves to continue their life of ignorance. Do they not see the autonomy in their conformity? Ignorance and stupidity are the weapons of the powerful to impugn the weak. How skillful they were in their enterprise for watch how the people acquiesce to them in droves! No need to trick and remain subtle, nowadays people are begging to join the cult. Like hamsters all of them! These are the ones content with the hard tap water and monotony of their lives. These are the ones that refuse to question their realities. They are content because they are told they are content. But I wont. I will not be content with my reality because I am intent on escaping. I will unravel the secrets of the universe, I will uncover unimaginable reaches and bear witness to the beauty of space as it is before my own eyes. The stars will dance with me among the far reaches of space. The different chemicals burning in the hearts of stars create a light show that extends in an infinite distance in infinite directions. Distant explosions echo through the vacancies and bring forth a wave of force. Millions, nay trillions and more atoms are spread throughout the universe in every direction. The very building blocks to make life are birthed right before my eyes and with this scene I am not content, I am happy.

I do not think that the hamster requires internal strength to desperately escape. He is just an animal with a small brain, I doubt he even remembers the previous day. Maybe in the sense of certain neurological retainers like smell and taste but he is stupid and does not formulate the type of thoughts humans do. Still there is no doubt that his suffering is terrible. Besides the point that he is probably not even aware he is suffering, the very idea of his existence is terrible. To forever live in his prison confined to a defined volume and a way of living sounds like hell. It is hell. Only getting fresh water when I deem necessary and even worse having to live out his existence alone without a companion, what hell! I have willingly allowed this creature to suffer this terrible fate simply because I have decided that any alternate reality for him would be worse. I, a kind and cruel master, decides his fate. Even God gave man free will, the right to live and die by ones one decisions, but I am not as benevolent as God. Do you see it? Do you see the contradiction though between our relationships? I can always come to one conclusion, can you see where it leads?

C.R.