She was beautiful, a dog of fine fur that brightly reflected the sun's radiant rays. Caleb loved her and with each pet he would remark on the softness of her coat and the warmth from her body. Always loving and caring the dog could never be found far away. Even during his monotonous daily tasks Caleb could look over and be greeted with a beautiful smile and if he was lucky she would make her way over and give him a loving kiss. During cold nights she would lie close to him and shed her warmth combatting the cold and keeping Caleb warm and protected. Often Caleb would experience interruptions in his slumber and when she lay close by he would lightly pet her while she slept and gently give her a kiss, reveling in his immense love for her. At times he was sure her love was unconditional but both were imperfect beings and secretly had their doubts. Caleb had seen his faithful companion as a distraction to his overwhelming life but as his suffrage intensified he began to retreat more into himself and away from her. This recession was not overlooked and because of her passion and fear of losing him she began to see the distance as a cause of her own undoing. As time moved forward she became more convinced of her fault as he fell further into himself and away from the world that she could not seem to separate herself from. Never did Caleb intend to push her away, in fact as he receded it became clear that she represented his last beacon of serenity, his last bastion of peace and the only source of happiness that he could tap into. Because his every day frustrations masked his relief Caleb struggled to communicate his feelings for her and as a consequence the distance became volatile and often led to explosive spurts of emotion where he yelled and she would bark relentlessly.
Like a poison slowly deteriorating the well-being of a healthy person Caleb's recession strained and decayed the relationship they had built and fought for so long to maintain. It was not easy to fight so diligently for so long and because of their many successes Caleb became convinced that they would never stop trying. He would have descended to the depths of hell and triumphed over his demons; Caleb would have fought his way past numerous skeletons to reach the edge of the world only to turn back and repeat his heroic endeavor. There was nothing he was not willing to do in order to keep them together, but his will and strength alone could not appease the mercy of the arbiters of fate. Though Caleb was willing to give his life for her, she had finally reached her limit and instead gave up on the struggle. More than was possible to count Caleb had begged her to endure the suffrage and keep her strength always ensuring that the prize at the end of the road was well worth the pain. She was not convinced and despite his assurances turned her back without ever taking a second glance. Completely broken and distraught Caleb had receded even further into himself and could not find the strength to rise above the cesspool of emotions before him. Crippling and debilitating the overwhelming emotions coupled with the already overbearing suffrage from life created a weight that Caleb found increasingly difficult to manage. Self-destruction wreaked havoc as he hid himself away and wallowed in his own self pity. The loss was intense and every day it only became worse.
Finally though Caleb had found himself within a place that he felt prepared to fight against the decisions of fate and to fight for his beloved dog's return. Upon his outreach he had discovered that already she had found a new owner and sat comfortably with him as if they had been together all along. When Caleb stepped forth with his intentions the dog nipped at his hand and he had unintentionally driven her further into the new owner's hands. Once again Caleb found himself spiraling down in a pit of despair and darkness feeling betrayed and abandoned. Without a doubt he was sure that it took both to destroy what they had built and his hand in the demolition was never in dispute. But what had hurt the most was that despite his growth in their time apart she continued to look the other way with a cold shoulder the only response received. She was happy too and panted without weight in her voice. It was not that he wanted her to share in his misery but that he wanted her to find that solace in him and not another's embrace. Still though Caleb loved her dearly and could not deny her happiness if she truly found it but questioned whether or not he would ever find it? Surely no other dogs could match what he had felt for her and every time he was reminded of her he almost lost control of himself. Unfortunately he had to appear strong to those around him and so built a cold steel shell that caused him to become cold and cynical. None could tell that deep inside a tornado raged and wrecked everything in it's path. The scar left by his lost dog filled him with contempt for every other member of that species.
As other dogs attempted to get close to him Caleb would push them away fearing that his own vulnerability would cause more pain and so ended anything that seemed to grow. It wasn't until a night of dulled senses and low inhibitions that he found himself petting another dog. This one had dark and course fur and walked on stubby legs whilst letting out a shrill and annoying bark. Caleb could not deny though that the petting was enjoyable but found himself looking upon her with disdain. He hated how this new dog had so easily given her trust to him and as a result he lost all respect for her. Caleb could not imagine investing himself and so much time to a dog that he held no respect for. In fact he realized that he could not care less for her and found every aspect of her personality quite distasteful. Still he enjoyed the petting since it was without emotional investment and thus his vulnerability was protected. The black dog never the wiser continued to curl up by his side and give a sigh of relief that she had found a faithful owner and Caleb recognized a brand new horizon of problems springing up. Feeling that he was doing wrong in his using her Caleb began separating himself from her presence. Also with every pet Caleb could not stop imagining his precious golden retriever being pet by the new owner and it filled him with a mixture of feelings including furious rage and a strength consuming sadness. At first he had assumed that the distraction of a new dog would be helpful but rather it seemed to worsen how he had felt. Suddenly he was confronted with the reality that he feared the emotions and possible pain of a newly inspired love (if love was even possible anymore) and the resentment he held for himself when petting the new dog without a foundation. And so Caleb settled on the assumption that any love for another dog was impossible and that he would never be able to overcome his sense of loss and betrayal. Caleb though greatly valued his life and would never entertain ultimate surrender and instead figured he would just have to live with the weight no matter how long he had to. Despite his assumption deep inside he maintained faith that there truly was a light at the end of the tunnel and when he would arrive he would see the dog that he was truly meant to have. Until then though Caleb continued down the road with no tunnel in sight.
C.R.
