This day was different. It was relieving to experience a weather pattern other than the sweltering heat of the arid desert. Caleb sat upon a stone bench curved into the shape of the letter 'U'. The bench was constructed of a mixture of rounded pebbles and angular stones cast into a hard cement mix. The seats were white and solid stone with no cushioning. This particular bench that supported Caleb's increasingly sore buttocks resided underneath a large and well aged oak tree that graciously allowed it's canopy to stretch forward like an umbrella and offer shelter to the space below it. Usually the reliable canopy became a haven for those desperately seeking shade for the sun's intense rays, but today with an overcast sky it became a shelter from the rain. Asserting that the gloomy sky was grey is no exaggeration for the whole campus seemed to be engulfed in the sky's mood, the people reacting accordingly in both fashion and states of their minds. Some risked the chance for a heavy downpour and still adorned colorful shorts and that would not prove to be protective in the event that they were wrong, but so far they were not.
Instead of a torrential downpour that most who had decided to hide themselves inside cozy sweatshirts and heavy jackets expected, a consistent light drizzle was all that came forth from the dense layer of clouds above. The drizzle was nice, especially underneath the protective canopy of the oak tree. By no means was the beautiful sturdy oak under-maintained and so though the foliage caught most of the light rain every once in a while a single drop still cold from the chilly morning air would come down and land upon the bench. Caleb sat motionless in between small sips of his mocha cappuccino watching as people walked by. Caleb allowed his mind to wonder mindlessly observing but completely absorbed within the confines of his thoughts. 'What' he frequented mentally was not as appropriate as 'who' frequently dominated the obsessive qualities of his imagination. To add to the elation of her presence within his head Caleb had just walked out of a mid-term for a class he had been extremely nervous about and was confidently stepping with a strut and air of utter and complete success. Waiting to occupy his time for the rest of the day was a series of good friends, all of whom had contributed to the intense happiness he currently felt.
Some time ago, perhaps years, Caleb had felt this way but in between was no laughing matter. Depression, anger and a whole lot of self loathing ruled over that time period with a heavy iron fist. With no empathy or consideration for Caleb's well being the fist had done a considerable amount of damage on the mental well being of the young mind that already was not in the best state. The damage done was irreversible, but the extent of his current joy made the difference in levels significant, so much so that as Caleb sat and reflected upon his life and the current joy he felt his eyes began to swell and the urge to tear up filled him. These tears though were not a product of the sadness but of the supreme serenity and lifted state of being.
"Soak it up." Caleb told himself as he also began to reflect upon his studies of Buddhism. Everything in the existence of the known universe is subject to change and subservient to the stubborn master that is time. Absolutely everything is subject to change as Caleb was sure he too was. More so than than any organic or otherwise molecular structure being subject to the harsh reality of change is suffering and joy. Caleb was well aware that what he was currently feeling was too temporary especially given the fact that his suffering still seemed fresh in his memory. But no matter the current state equilibrium was impossible because even the master that is time served the God of chaos.
Chaos birthed the universe and all we see before it, but since that miraculous moment of conception reality seems to constantly fluctuate between order to disorder. Creation, being the state in between initial and eventual chaos, is analogous to the creation of suffering or joy in the sense that suffering turns to joy in the form created endorphins. In the end though there will always be nothing, the cessation of creation, just as there was nothing before. But the balance is never set, nothing is forever, not even the vast emptiness that is the essence of chaos. There is always a fluctuation between order and chaos just as the balance between suffering and joy is never constant.
Caleb reflected upon all of this all the while continuing his autonomous sips and mindless observations of the physical world around him. Still the elation that became energy within him was intense but looked upon as only temporary so Caleb for once allowed an emotion, that emotion, to be completely embraced. His heart beat faster with the thought of his female interest, his confidence boasted by the success of his scholarly endeavors, and his self boosted by the amount of companionship he had felt for his friends. Caleb loved this feeling and allowed it to take him over but keeping in mind that it was not going to last forever. This realization was not depressing though because he was convinced that he only truly understood what he was feeling because of his past experiences of suffering and so he was grateful. Despite those who passed by none had noticed the single tear escape from his eye and his successful attempt to remove it.
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