It all started long ago, before the mass exodus and before everything that entailed afterwards. Tyler for many years had grown complacent with his life. School was a cinch, women were like dominoes. There was not much that Tyler could say he had not attempted and been totally awesome in it's execution. It came to a time where Tyler began to search for a great endeavor, one in which the annals of history would sing his name. One night, the inspiration came. Tyler sat in the backyard in the presence of a friend. "I'm bored." Tyler mentioned to his friend who stared up into the night sky.
"Bored? But your life is just so awesome! However could you be bored?"
"Oh I envy your ignorance my handsome naive friend. When one such as I have lived and done it all, the soul yearns for something else...something to make the change in history like Jesus, or Gandhi, or Justin Bieber."
"But what ever will you do?" Asked his friend with a shaky voice, in complete awe of Tyler's greatness.
With a finger stiff and confident Tyler pointed towards the heavens and exclaimed "There! The stars! I shall find my crucifix there, and etch my name into the solid stones of fate!" The words never forgotten, and the journey immediately undertaken. Dropping out of school and leaving all he loved, Tyler walked thousands of miles, only stopping to soak in his own awesomeness. His destination? NASA headquarters. All eyed him as he strutted straight past security personnel and to the head director's office.
"What do you want? Whats the meaning of this?" He was surprised at the confidence emanating from Tyler, and even became quite stimulated.
Tyler only said three words. He pointed to his crotch, "This," pointed upwards "there," and pointed behind him "yesterday."
The director nearly released upon himself. The words so confidently spoken, how could he refuse? So, the mission was planned. Tyler lied on his back and allowed his erection to point his destination. When critics said he was crazy he responded: "Crazy is only when we do not push ourselves to greatness. Even if we are sure to fail, crazy is allowing that assurance to dictate our lives. And bitches...bitches be crazy dude."
It only took a couple of months before NASA launched Tyler into space, unknowing of his destination and what he would do upon his arrival. Tyler had launched with only three possessions: A camera to record his discoveries, A condom to initiate intercourse upon sexual arousal, and a sack of the worlds greatest chronic. Surprisingly before he knew it a pink planet began to take form in the distance and soon Tyler found himself inside its gravitational pull. The planet was bare but full of giant slug people that embraced him with open arms. Both were amazed at the never before seen species, and both stood at the threshold of history: the very first interaction with life outside of earth. When Tyler noticed that they were showing interest in his green sack, Tyler whipped out his piece and loaded a bowl. Never before had these slugs experienced a high as great as this, and in return the people marched out their finest women and allowed for Tyler to take his pick. He did so with no difficulty as every slug looked the same. Using his camera Tyler began not only the first footage of alien life but the first human-alien slug porno. Tyler slid his pants down revealing his sweet package and in the honor of his home, sang his national anthem. As soon as his respect was offered Tyler embraced the slug and began his penetration all the while screaming out his name "Tyler Lacombe! Tyler Lacombe! Tyler Lac..." But something went wrong. The high salinity of his ejaculation caused a release of a terrible virus that shot up his urethra and completely dissolved all of Tyler's Being. The loss of his greatness was definitely a loss to the whole world. Fortunately there was a live feed to NASA who had received the footage.
Because the footage of Tyler's sex death with the slug slut of Xerxes 9 was the only one of their culture, the American public was forced to be made witness of his death. In a matter of an hour the whole world knew of his name and just as he had intended became a household name. There were two things that was clear on the footage: instant death upon ejaculation but just before Tyler portrayed a face of complete ecstasy. It was clear that the climax was the best anyone had ever experienced, and seeing it before their eyes the people of the world wished to follow in his footsteps. Tyler's expedition had paved the way for a mass exodus of people all endeavoring to experience the best sex of their lives but instant death. By the end of the year almost 60% of the worlds population had left and met their maker at the end of their genitals. Threats of war from world leaders rang throughout the world fearing the whole exodus was a plot by the Xerxes 9 people to destroy earth. But the real truth is that people just wanted to have sex. Tyler was a hero and a devil. He was the first to meet alien life, get them high and film a pornographic film with them. A statue of him was built in just about every city, and the question remained through out the world for centuries to come, "would you have sex with an alien slug slut from Xerxes 9 and experience the best sex ever only to die instantly afterwards?" It seems that the world had decided.
Of course all of this would have actually happened but on the eve his departure Tyler had realized he still had homework to do and found himself distracted. Then he was determined to smoke and then leave but just as always instead found himself passed out on the couch.
C.R.
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